WWE Presents... Lethal Lottery

I'm not a big fan of fantasy booking. Okay, that's probably a lie. When I was a kid, my wrestling figures were in my own promotion where I booked events and pay-per-views. When the lack of flexibility of the Hasbro figures frustrated me, I started using GI Joe figures, with their points of articulation that allowed actual moves to be done. (You kids don't know how well you have it with Jakks and Mattel making the figures they do now.) With GI Joe figures, I had to come up with better wrestler names and gimmicks and reasons for them to feud, and eventually it grew into a world of its own. I am buying Smackdown vs. Raw 2010 with the anticipation of Create a Story mode, knowing I could get my money's worth out of the game without playing a single match.

So fantasy booking has always been something I enjoyed, knowing I never had the stones to be in charge of a real promotion. What I'm getting at is that like every other jackass with a blog or podcast on wrestling thinks they can book shit better than what they see on TV or on DVDs or what they attend on a monthly basis. Chances are, they're blowing smoke up your ass, and no one but them want to see some specific mid-card worker get pushed to the moon.

This is why I am incredibly hesitant to write this, because it's going to be me doing just that. I'm frustrated with WWE's PPV choices. We've gone from Summerslam to Survivor Series, two of the big four of WWE events. It makes sense to keep your big matches for those, with Survivor Series probably being fourth in the line behind Mania, Summerslam and the Rumble. But it looks like WWE is just not even trying, with Breaking Point, Hell In A Cell and Bragging Rights coming up. How many times do I need to see the same match-ups but with different stipulations? The booking just comes off as lazy, and each of the stipulations associated with the events don't really allow for variety. The three hell in a cell matches at HIAC were the identical match-ups from Breaking Point. It seems lazy and biding time until Royal Rumble, since the Survivor Series has lost its luster long ago.

So let's cut to what I'm projecting... Lethal Lottery/Battlebowl. WWE seems to pick and choose shit from WCW to make their own, and I guess they don't want to embrace any of the great concepts of WCW for fear of it getting over and not being a WWE original idea. Wargames is the other thing I miss, and with the hell in a cell match, seems like a natural pair.

Lethal Lottery was fucked up by WCW on at least one occasion, in that the matches really were random and didn't come off well. WWE has a big enough roster now that this shouldn't be an issue. You can use this PPV to further some angles, create some new ones, and it won't seem forced.

For those unfamiliar with the concept, you're clearly 15 or younger, and so I can't relate to you. In this case, we're going to take 32 wrestlers from all three brands, and pair them up in a way about as random as the Royal Rumble entrance order. Eight tag team matches will take place, with the 16 winners advancing to a battle royal to main event the show. I'm not going to confuse issues with the double ring, so it's just a straight up battle royal. The winner will be the Lethal Lottery winner, and get an immediate World title shot of their choice. (I know I'm going to include the current champions, but we can figure something out for them.)

So... on with the matches and a short bit as to why I do this...

1. John Cena & Big Show def. Cody Rhodes & Sheamus
John Cena's entrance should open up the show and get the crowd into this immediately. Followed by Big Show's music, and the crowd should hopefully immediately be hooked knowing that Cena and Show have to team up. Sheamus gets on PPV and gets to be a part of a big match, and Rhodes has his connections to Cena, but this all seems random enough to be believable. Cena and Show have tension, hard tags, and Cena gets frustrated and takes the match in his own hands and gets the pin on Cody.

2. Mark Henry & Ezekiel Jackson def. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov
Pure comedy here as Santino is the lone man in the land of the giants. Santino can work all the comedy spots as Kozlov and Henry go all test-of-strength on each other, cheering along, coming into the ring to get in little bits of offense on Henry and Zeke. Henry doesn't have to work Santino and jeopardize their face-i-ness, and Santino can just get destroyed by Kozlov, then destroyed by Zeke and pinned. Kozlov's had his run in the spotlight, it's Zeke's turn to get a chance.

3. Rey Mysterio & Kofi Kingston def. Evan Bourne & Mike Knox
Time for the absurdly fun high-flying spot-fest, and Knox has proven himself, to me, to be a good big man base, and the main reason he's in this match. Gets the crowd hot again and just entertains like the high-fliers can. Bourne takes the fall via flash pin out of nowhere from Kofi, and begins a friendly competitive rivalry between the two as they work towards the US title again.

4. Randy Orton & Ted Dibiase vs. Batista & William Regal
Here we have our first real match where the partnership fails. Regal wrestles with Dibiase for a bit, Batista tags in and starts to work some offense, then Regal attacks Batista from behind and walks out. Orton & Dibiase work the beat-down on Batista and get the win.

5. Undertaker & Kane def. R-Truth & Drew McIntyre
R-Truth & Drew come out, get their feud in by fighting immediately, until Kane's music hits. Kane starts to beat down on R-Truth, Drew helps out, then the lights go out and Taker comes out. Easy match so Taker doesn't have to worry about breaking a nail or whatever his issues are these days. He goes over ridiculously well, has his history with Kane moment, and the two of them just independently whoop the hell out of Truth and McIntyre. But of course they get protected because it's the fucking Brothers of Destruction, and they never got along to begin with. This also fulfills the "are you fucking kidding me" moment where people look at these pairings and realize they aren't really random. There's always one or two, guys...

6. John Morrison & Zack Ryder def. Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger
Here's your fun match to showcase the good wrestling and get a good little "parejas increibles" feel that Chikara likes to call. Morrison vs. Ziggler continues, Zack Ryder & Morrison are clearly both great personalities that can play off each other in a great way. Swagger seems to fit with these three, it just makes sense. Nothing special but you can always plant seeds for when Ryder and Swagger get moved around to another brand, which is bound to happen sooner or later.

7. Shawn Michaels & Great Khali def. Triple H & The Miz
If the crowd is really keeping track (hint: they're not, they're WWE fans), DX have potential to team up in the random draw. Well guess what, they're not, and they're gonna face each other. HHH and Shawn can have some fun spots wrestling each other, accidentally putting on holds harder than you would put on a friend/ally, then remembering and dialing it back. Shawn & Khali just seems like a fun little odd couple partnership. Since Shawn is so good at the comedy end of DX, he and Khali can do some fun shit and the other three in the match mean Khali doesn't have to do any more than the limited amount he's capable of. Miz gets thrown to the wolves here by HHH just cause he's "kind of a douche" as Hunter would say. HHH in the end lost, but meh, he's not in "chasing the belt" mode. Least not yet... OOOOOH FORESHADOWING.

8. CM Punk & Chris Jericho def. MVP & Christian
I think this match is big enough to be the final of the tag matches, and go late in the show, but not too big that the battle royal looks weak in comparison. Plus you actually have two faces vs. two heels, the only one of the eight first round matches. This is Smackdown main event level quality, which is a good thing, and honestly, these four should be able to tear the house down, with room to cool before BattleBowl. Punk & Jericho both seem to be on the same page with their holier-than-thou personalities, MVP and Christian both have experience with these guys, and the match just sounds right. It wasn't a first one I picked, but when about 12 names were left, these four screamed out at me to be random enough but make sense.

9. Obviously I'd need a match to let the last match's winners rest, and cool off the crowd a spell. So throw an inter-promotional tag match involving both women's champions or something to get the crowd anxious and ready for...

10. BATTLEBOWL.
Part of me wants WWE to not call it this, but let's stay true. Simple, over-the-top, no multiple eliminations or nothing, but let's put the TNA gauntlet rule of the final 2 have a match. After all, I think when Battlebowl had two rings, winner of ring 1 faced the winner of ring 2 (the loser's bracket, I guess) in a match after all. So let's get some eliminations out of the way quickly.

• Great Khali eliminated by everyone in that standard big man in the battle royal spot.
  
• Ezekiel Jackson eliminated by Undertaker
  
• Kane eliminated by Undertaker
  
• Undertaker eliminated by CM Punk

This continues the Punk/Taker feud with a new way instead of them having matches and Punk still picking his spots with Taker without backing down. Taker gets his eliminations in, then continues the feud. Down to 12, let's continue...

• Rey Mysterio eliminated by Big Show
  
• Kofi Kingston eliminated by Big Show
  
• John Morrison eliminated by Randy Orton & Ted Dibiase

Big Show just goes around being the Big Show, nothing spectacular, but makes him look nice and strong, with Jericho calling the shots mostly. 2/3 of Legacy have been double-teaming everyone, Cena included, but more or less just stay focused on beating the hell out of Shawn & Cena. 9 left & counting...

• Ted Dibiase eliminated by Shawn Michaels
  
• John Cena eliminated by Chris Jericho & Big Show
  
• Randy Orton eliminated by Shawn Michaels

Yeah I know, DX is always going over Legacy and I bitch about it, but it's a battle royal, so it won't hurt as much. Now the balance of power is shifting from Legacy to Jericho & Show looking fucking unstoppable and Shawn getting his eliminations in, with Cena being able to turn his focus to Jericho & Show in the future after being too much for them by himself. Final six.

• Zack Ryder eliminated by Mark Henry
  
• Mark Henry eliminated by Chris Jericho & Big Show

Ryder here is basically the Rick Martel of this match. I know there are multiple people who have done what I'm talking about, but Martel always comes to mind. He fights off elimination multiple times and makes it to the end of the match and finishes in sixth, as the improbable heel that won't go away. He hung around in the ECW one, so it's not weird that he'd do it again, only with some bigger names. Again, Henry looks strong but is no match for Jericho & Show, who are being the top heels in this match at this point. Final four time.

CM Punk eliminated by Shawn Michaels
I can hear the bitching already. Look, Punk and Shawn can be fighting for a bit while Jericho & Show focus on Henry. Punk looks good with the legend, but Shawn can use the "ring veteran" excuse of pulling down the ropes or something and Punk getting outsmarted. He's a heel, that's supposed to happen once in a while.

Big Show eliminated by Chris Jericho
Accidentally. Jericho goes for a lariat or dropkick or some sort of momentum move that knocks out Big Show and can slowly build to a breakup between the two, which is enhanced with losing the belts in the future to a tag team that could use the rub, and maybe Show gets tired of Jericho's shit and they can feud for a bit. At least until Edge returns.

Finally... and I'm gonna get heat for this but...

Shawn Michaels pins Chris Jericho to win Lethal Lottery.
These guys put on amazing matches since Jericho's return and heel turn. There's history, and at this point the crowd should be 100% behind Shawn to pull this one out. I have no doubt they can do it again, with Michaels going over after an absolute war.

In the end, Michaels looks like he's going on his final tour with WWE, so this is a great way to give him a huge amount of credibility and allow him to have a failed title match, only to push him towards a Wrestlemania final match or a title run. This sets up something to the point that he becomes so focused that his alliance with Triple H dissolves, and the boyhood dream memories drive him for one more shot at glory. Chances are fairly high Triple H will be his final match opponent, anyway, so that's what we're shooting for. It's The Wrestler in an angle again, but with Shawn working it and slowly watching as his personality alters, I have faith in it being done right this time.

So there you go. Lethal Lottery in the WWE. It could work, and I feel like quite the douche for booking it, but I'm kind of amused with myself and want to see it. Fantasy booking isn't exactly something I dabble in, but I hope you enjoyed this one.

Peace.

-BH